Like the Beatles but hairier

The "big weekend" has come and gone, a true salute to the phrase "when it rains, it pours". I've been trying to work out how to put it into words for a good couple of days now; I'm not entirely sure I've got it right but I'll give it a shot anyway. Needless to say, this is going to be a long post.

The story begins somewhat uninterestingly early last week where one of my Deputy Principals asks if I can shift my working schedule around a bit and come to their Culture Festival. It ends somewhat ridiculously in Kobe with handstands, fake moustaches and beer through a straw. Like a hamburger with too many patties, it's the bit in between that might make things a bit unwieldy.

The Culture Festival itself happened on Friday and Saturday, which mercifully gave me Monday off to gather my thoughts. Like excursions, these things tend to take it out of you more than regular work for some reason. Like last time I brought a bunch of Vegemite and fairy bread for people to try; apart from one of my bags exploding outside school and sending plates and cutlery clattering across the road, things went very smoothly. This time I took more of a back seat (or evil puppet master) role - once the students were madly buttering and Vegemiting crackers to my satisfaction, Goran and I were free to wander the stalls. Rather than cultural stuff, there seemed to be much more of an emphasis on hot food this time around, which meant that the whole carpark was taken up by stalls. Navigating the maze of shouting people and clouds of steam, we found what we were looking for - sausages on a stick. "Frankfurt: 100 yen," said the sign, before ominously adding "Challenge: 120 yen".

The challenge turned out to be a frankfurt covered in spicy sauce - if you finished it within 30 seconds, you got a free one. After watching several students experience crushing defeat (see Flickr), we threw our hats in the ring and showed them how it was done. Goran looked a bit green by the time he had finished his two, noting that he probably shouldn't have eaten lunch too. By this point we had had enough of the chaos, so we walked back up towards our room. The boys from the yakisoba (fried noodle) stand had almost run out of songs to insert the word "yakisoba" into, and were bellowing out another verse of "Carry me away on wings of yakisoba" as we walked past. I also wondered if I should point out that the kids at the crepe stall had written "creep" on all their signs, but decided not to spoil their fun. The waffle stall girls were still shrieking about how delicious their waffles were when I hurried past, so I brought them some food to shut them up for a while. They somehow managed to shout just as loud through mouthfuls of fairy bread, however.

We ended up going through 3L of milk, 2 packets of crackers, 3 packets of bread and the better part of a jar of Vegemite by lunchtime Saturday and before long it was time to clean up and get everything packed away. It would soon be time to get dressed up for the long-awaited scavenger hunt as well - sooner than first thought, actually. Despite my protests, Goran had convinced me to dress up early and amuse the kids by spending the afternoon as Mario and Luigi.
"Once we've got our moustaches on, we'll have to leave them on," I had said.
"So?"
"So we'll have to go into Sannomiya as Mario and Luigi."
"And?"
"And ride the train. As Mario and Luigi." His smile just widened, so I tried again. "And spend like 3 hours there waiting for everyone... in public."
"Yeah, it's gonna be awesome."

So with that I found myself hopping in circles in the locker room trying to pull up my overalls, sticking a moustache to my face and poking skeptically at my hat. I soon warmed to the idea, however, when we got outside and everyone started squealing. The mobile phones and cameras came out and the first of several thousand photos were taken. We really started getting into character when we helped pack away all the equipment - the hats and gloves came off, the sleeves were rolled up and we started doing some heavy lifting that any video game handyman would be proud of. By the end of the afternoon I had mastered smiling benevolently from under my moustache - the first of several strange skills I would learn. The Deputy Principal wandered into the staffroom during our final pack-up and looked us up and down. "How many photos have you been in today?"
"Mugen (Infinity)." I think it was the first time I've seen him smile.

Things got more surreal as we walked to the station - old men snapped to attention and saluted us, children giggled and a busload of schoolgirls just about tipped the damn thing over. Goran (herein referred to as "Luigi") wandered off to get some money at the station and I sat on a post waiting for him. A mother with a pram came up and requested a photo. "Where's Luigi?" she asked.
"In the bank." I started to wish we had a documentary film crew filming all the amusingly mundane stuff we were doing. There was a stunned silence when we got on the train, then one student squeezed through the crowds and asked for a photo, which opened the floodgates again. We got off in Sannomiya in one piece and I went over to McDonalds to get a drink - something with a straw that I could manage without knocking off the carpet-sized 'stache. I counted about 5 photos on the way across the road, 6 on the way back and about 15 while waiting for Lisa ("Toad") to arrive . Deciding sushi was the most bite sized and moustache-friendly form of dinner we could find, we had a quick bite to eat and finally managed to convince Toad to put on her hat. Luigi's button fell off so he went off to find some glue to stick it back on. "Where's Luigi?" asked more happy-snappers.
"In the convenience store." The title of our documentary sprang to mind. From Powerups to Power Bills: Life beyond the Mushroom Kingdom.

Fans in tow, we headed over to a bar to meet up with the rest of the cast. Toad smirked every time Luigi and I stopped for a photo until someone walked straight past us and asked her for one - then she was pleased as punch. We got to the bar where Kym ("piranha plant"), Mike ("question block") and Jay ("paratrooper") were busily finishing their costumes. Andy ("Wario") rocked up, changed into his overalls and decided he would have to wear them more often. I ordered a beer with a straw which got me some very strange looks. We barely had time to finish our drinks before it was time to go over and the meet up for the scavenger hunt proper. Eventually we had to run away from the cameras - we would have been there all night otherwise.

We met up with the others, enduring photo after photo while we listened to the instructions for the scavenger hunt. One guy came up and asked Toad for a video of her saying "Thank you Mario, but the Princess is in another castle"; you couldn't have wiped the smile from her face. Meanwhile, Wario stood there looking the part, beer and cigarette akimbo. We got our worksheets, detailing a variety of strange things we needed to take photos of and our photographer Len ("Lakitu") showed up to complete the roster. The board was set, the pieces were moving and the insanity was just beginning.

We tore over to the other side of town and went into one of the bigger buildings - "the smell of popcorn" was the clue. People much smarter than me had worked out that the cinema was the place to be, where we'd grab our next clue and knock off a couple of photos at the same time. While we were waiting for the lift, Wario grabbed Lakitu's spike ball and started bouncing it loudly off the wall in the foyer. On the way up, he took another swig of beer and belched. "Classic Wario," he said, seeming to amuse noone but the two of us.

We got up there, found our next sheet and managed to knock off "kissing a team member" and "all team members jumping with no feet on the ground". Unless otherwise stated, everyone in the team except the photographer had to be in the photo. I got another straw from the candy bar and then instantly lost it. Lakitu's shell got stuck in the lift doors on the way down, delaying us long enough to get caught by another group of amateur photographers. By this stage, I had my poses perfected. Wario and I took turns farting on each other on the way out the door.

We continued to collect our clue sheets, snagging a couple of bonus points in the process, and put our heads together to come up with solutions to some of the harder ones. "Whole team holding balls" was achieved by one of the girls holding Lakitu's spike ball and the rest grabbing the nuts of the man next to him. Wario laughed mercilessly at how red my face was getting during the "doing handstands" one, then my newest straw fell out of my pocket and was lost forever. After a quick Mario version of "Abbey Road", we headed underground to the shopping strip, humming the underground theme as we went down the stairs. There, we arsed about with some gym poses and had another try at the handstands one. Unfortunately I had used up all my arm strength by this point and crashed down on my head, much to everyone's amusement; I weathered my concussion long enough to help finish "everyone in a toilet cubicle".

We went back to the station and obviously word had gotten around - Beatlemania had well and truly hit. We had what had to be 100 screaming people snapping photos of all of us, Luigi and I going through our library of poses and probably enjoying the attention much more than expected. Lakitu whirled around getting photos and marvelling at how insane it was, while the rest of us primped and posed. Piranha plant and question block discussed whether or not we should be doing this every weekend - most of us seemed quite open to the idea.

We used the crowd to get a literal take on "The Rolling Stones - 40 Licks" (lots of people sticking out their tongues), then we all piled on top of a bicycle for another one. After one final round of flashes, we bid everyone farewell and moved on. Paratrooper's hammer landed on my head with a squeak. "It's all about Mario, he's like Japan's Santa Claus. You're loving being a main character, aren't you?" I couldn't exactly deny it at this point.

Despite the 3 hour time limit, we seemed to be running out of time. We breathlessly got our last few pictures, simultaneously knocking off "wig out" and "print club with a Japanese couple" by kidnapping one and dragging them into a booth for a series of ridiculous photos. Once we got back to the meeting point, the other teams roared with laughter at how expertly Luigi and I jumped up on a railing and synchronised our poses for yet more fans. Finally, we had our debrief and headed up into a restaurant to sort out our snaps and have something to eat. We took off our hats and gloves, wiped the sweat off... and then put them back on again because half the restaurant wanted photos with us. Wario pulled off his moustache, stuck it on a window and laughed for quite some time about it - classic Wario. This charming moment is immortalised on my Flickr (along with Len's photos he generously passed on - thanks!), and in case you still haven't had your fill, Lisa has some more photos here.

Eventually, it was time to bid farewell to our little piece of the Mushroom Kingdom. I was kind of sad it had to end, but by the end I think we were all a bit sick of our instant rise to stardom. If it weren't all there on film, I'd hardly believe that a red jumper and overalls would add up to the most ridiculous night of my life. It remains to be seen whether we win - I think we should at least get some kind of prize for making half the people of Kobe's heads explode. The Mario costume is neatly folded up in the bottom of the cupboard and I'm sure one day it will make another triumphant appearance. Until then though, I'm quite happy with my power bills.

...what's everyone doing next weekend?